Saturday, May 14, 2011

I'm sitting in my truck, as usual, enjoying the quiet of the Wauwatosa park system.  I'm about twenty feet from a railroad track, a very busy railroad track, and any minute now another train should come flying by.  Usually the amtrak.  I rode a train once - from Orlando to Tampa.  I dont' recall much about the experience just that it was, well, ok.  My parents have taken cross-country trips and loved it...might be fun to do someday.

I think I have almost totally lost complete control over my life.  I've been divorced for 3 years now and I dont' regret a moment.  Yeah, I think of her and her family. I miss my nephews and nieces dearly.  She made it perfectly clear that if I divorced her I would loose all of them.  Weird...my uncle got divorced when I was like 4 and I STILL call her my  Auntie Pat...some people choose to punish everyone around them as a coping mechanism.  I hope its working for her.  Maybe they'll look me up when they are old enough - but maybe its just for the best.  I miss them, though.  I pray for them frequently and wonder how they are. 

So anyway - about this loosing control thing.  so here I am, sharing a house with my parents.  It's not as horrible as one might think.  My parents are not very active people - the television turns on around 7:00 a.m. and is only shut off when they run an errand.  they only run an errand without me if its not raining and there is no snow on the ground.

My eating is completely out of control - another coping mechanism for stress.  I can't stop drinking iced teas from McDonald's (I hear the train coming!  It's 12:38 p.m.....will let you know shortly what type of train!)...

So I'm starting the cabbage soup diet on Monday evening.  I'm pretty nervous because I don't want to get ill but i need a detox.  The soup can actually make you hold water for awhile which I'm doing a LOT of currently because I'm on prednisone...so this could actually turn in to a disaster.  But i'm tired - I'm sleeping all the time - having issues with staying focused.  during conversations i would rather close my eyes and fade off to sleep...that's just not healthy.

So here I sit - with yet another iced tea (damn they are sooo good).

freight train...ok being this close to the track - if this sucker derails I'm totally screwed...just sayin...and it's hauling cars...wouldn't THAT be ironic...How the hell do these things stay on the track and not jump?  i have a model train that can make maybe 12 loops on a 3 foot track before disaster strikes.  And now there's these huge containers, stacked two high - flying past me - how do they do this?