Sunday, June 12, 2011

Profound Sense of Loneliness

I have been reading my horoscope every day for a while now.  I do not "get into" the occult practice of following the signs and stars BUT I do get some fascinating and wonderful thoughts from reading the horoscope. 

Today's mentioned my "profound sense of loneliness".  It was comforting to read those words because it is exactly what is going on with me.  I have been profoundly lonely lately.  I live with my parents, I talk to people online, I have even attended a few social events but still i feel horribly alone.  I have a partner that I am supposed to be sharing this life with but there is very little sharing. 

A few weeks ago I mentioned something about karma.  I have always known that some of the things I put my ex-wife through were unfair and hurtful.  We BOTH did our share of hurting one another - but I never really walked her shoes until recently - THAT'S the karma that's coming back to kick me in the ass.  I knew it would probably happen.  I find myself saying and asking the same things she did - and that disturbs me greatly. 

So here I am on this life path - lonely, but surrounded by people.  Moving forward but having the past kick me in the ass on occasion.  And where is  God?  Oh He has been right there along for the ride.  I know I'm not a punching bag for him (a phrase someone 'else' used frequently) because I don't believe that's the way God works.  But part of my loneliness comes from not hearing Him.  Trying to figure out the next steps but getting absolutely no response from the Holy is so...lonely.

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